Understanding Relationships: Interacting with Others

People are the leading cause of bad relationships, although certain species of cats rank a close second. There's nothing like an unreasonable, angry, thickheaded person to leave you feeling unreasonable, angry, and thickheaded, which of course leads to someone having the gall to think that you're unreasonable! Sometimes it feels as if life is a series of random encounters with irritable people. Trouble is, some of those irritable people go by the titles of Mom, son, husband, wife, friend…
 
It's unfortunate that the very relationships that can bring the most joy and fulfillment are also the ones that can cause the most anger and grief. It's not that surprising: We invest so much in our important relationships that we take any problems to heart. And often, we react negatively to the stress that comes from relationship challenges.

It's easier to get angry than it is to work out a solution. Anger provides us with the self-satisfaction of knowing that we are the injured party, that we, and not the poor grocery clerk we just snarled at, or the friend we just argued with, are the ones who have been wronged, injured, and who deserve better.

The trouble is that anger ultimately proves destructive both to our relationships and to ourselves. For many of us, it's become the first line of interpersonal defense. Often, emotional anger spills over into physical rage. The fact that terms like road rage even exist proves that.

Anger can be combated and relationships with others improved, but most people need to learn how. There are a variety of ways to improve your relationships and reduce your anger levels. Meditation as a calming technique is becoming increasingly popular, and self-hypnosis can help you set and attain relationship goals.

Short-Term Relationships

The trouble with some relationships is that, for good or ill, you have no idea how long they'll last. Your really pleasant neighbors may move and be replaced by the cast of Deliverance. Your incompetent manager may be gone tomorrow…or you could be stuck with him until retirement.

A stressful short-term relationship can seem to last forever, and can't be dismissed as easily as, say, the rude waiter who served you last week. They're not the type of relationships in which you interact constantly, but you see these people enough that problems with them can take up a pretty big chunk of your life. Who wants a surly neighbor?

It's important to keep these relationships in perspective. You and your neighbor may disagree on the property line, but that doesn't have to spill over into your relationship with, say, your daughter. Try to see problems in these relationships as limited in scope—they shouldn't eat up your life.

Granted, it's hard not to stew over things when the neighbor's being a stickler for property lines, or your manager passes you over for a promotion. When setbacks in your less important relationships seem overwhelming, you may want to explore some methods of reevaluating and understanding the source of the problems.

Family Relationships

There's an old saying that you can pick your friends, but you can't pick your family. So while you may see this as a grave injustice, you're stuck with these people who happen to share genes similar to yours.

It might not be too bad. Some people are lucky enough to have wonderful families (nuclear and extended). These people enjoy spending time with their family and sharing wonderful times.

For others, it may be a different story. Some families have difficulty coexisting with one another because of bad blood, bad history…you name it. As mentioned before, people are the cause of bad relationships. So just because you're related doesn't mean you have to like each other. But the problem with family is that if you don't interact with them on a daily basis you will at least see them at most family events. It's nearly impossible to invite one member of the family and exclude the others.

The easy solution would be to just avoid family functions. That way, you won't have to listen to embarrassing stories of your childhood being told by your most hated cousin. The problem with this solution is that you would miss out on seeing everyone else in the family (the people you do like). So what to do?

Family problems are usually very complicated and understanding relationships among family members can be difficult, if not impossible. If you're not too close, it's difficult to talk things through, especially if you've already developed a dislike for one another. Most of the time, the only solution is to attend the event, avoid the disliked members like you would rancid food, and make do. If you must interact with your less-liked relatives, grin and bear it. These events last a few days at the most. After that, you won't have to see them for quite some time…hopefully.

General Relationship Ideas

Each relationship is dynamic and unique. The way you interact, how you interact, and your feelings for one another all depend on you and the other person. To make the most out of your relationships, try to keep these ideas in mind:
  • Relationships take time. You're not going to be best friends from the moment you meet (though that does occasionally happen).
  • Enter any relationship (love, family, friend) with an open mind. These people you interact with are different from you, so they will have different habits, abilities, traits, etc.
  • Communication is vital to a successful relationship. Suppressed emotions can fester and you may eventually find yourself shouting at people (not good for building up relationships).
  • It takes about five positive experiences to erase one negative one.
  • To err is human, to forgive divine.